Only in make believe

It's probably a good thing he didn't come out. I was having fantasies about getting back together.

Life can be really interesting and enjoyable sometimes. It makes up for all of the crappy stuff that happens. Times like these make me appreciate human drama.

I wish I could go into more detail, but I don't really want to at the moment, and perhaps I never will. I guess I just feel satisfied with my life for once. I have two jobs, I'm getting pretty good grades, my roommates rock, I feel attractive (instead of like an ugly troll woman haha), anndd yeah. What else could i ask for? I have enough money to pay all my crazy medical bills and rent-- life, in theory, is good.

Rosy
bwahaha

hahah the first title of this post was lifehouse lyrics, but i uh realized that Obama Eve was way better.


Ah, lifehouse. So reminiscent. God damn you Nichole for being in a seemingly awesome relationship. Well, not really. I am truely happy for you. Just jealous that i dont have someone tattooing my name onto their wrist.

Hmmm well the last few days have been interesting. I worked worked worked, had a yogurt date, went to a party...damn parties. why do i go. heh. i always end up humiliating myself. although, this time it wasnt my fault. thats about as much detail as im comfortable going into.

lets just say i have a weakness for booze and attractive men.

I did get caught up for one of my classes so im excited about that. I read this book called, "warriors dont cry" or something like that. It was written by one of the little rock nine. Pretty cool stuff, im excited to talk about it in class. Although, im not excited about writing a two page paper about it but oh well.

tonight im going to go to bed at a reasonable hour. I have some reading to do before my class..but that doesnt mean im not going to hang out with cat, her exboyfriend, and danny before that.

PEACE.

Intimacy seekers seek to establish an intimate, loving relationship with their victim. To them, the victim is a long-sought-after soul mate, and they were 'meant' to be together.

NARWHAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The whole reason i even wanted to use facebook i just remembered what it actually is


Danny holl. the words of Danny holll.

Tomorrow I have school. And i am definitely looking forward to it

Rosy

"Black Dutch (Native American + Germany Romani “Gypsy”; Cherokee and Choctaw tribes"

hahaha wow that's awesome. Apparently, according to my granny, we have "black dutch" roots.

so i am the descendant of crazy gypsies.

I don't know why I'm up at 6:58 in the morning, but I am. What do I do at such an early hour? What most normal people do! Drink coffee...blast metallica...you know, the usual.
Today, me, my sister, and my granny (yes, she likes to be called that) are going christmas chopping. er. shopping. It's really really nice to be able to go christmas shopping, since I wasnt able to last year... it feels good to be able to give gifts again. and RECEIVE them helllsss yes.
Oh man and I'm really excited about my school schedule next quarter. 3 american studies classes and one english seminar, with one of my favorite professors--Michael Ziser. And I'll be able to start writing my senior thesis for american studies. I was thinking about analyzing vampires and food. Yeah. or lack there of, right? BadaBING. heh heh. BUt yeah if i get to write my senior thesis about vampires I think I'm going to crap my pants. It would be freaking awesome.

And just in case anyone was wondering, here is the Urban Dictionary's definition of "Flamboozled"

1. flamboozled

To be utterly stupefied.

Example:
The cops were flamboozled by the robber's trickiness.

I could never be an egg donor. Shucks. 8,000 dollars would be nice right now. Curse my genetics.

so i've got about five hours to write a 7 page paper. the excitement is never endless sometimes.
If I can pull off a page an hour, and then two pages in one hour, this set up should be fine. I've already got two pages of stuff to reference, and that's without the actual text of either of the poetry books. Although, one of the books is merely a transcription of new yorks weather reports for a year, so interpreting and analyzing is going to be VERY difficult. Is there anything to interpret or analyze? Bleh. At this point, I want another week extension.

I feel very communicatory right now. And yes, i made up that word. Im like fricken Willy Shakespeare.
So I'm at my mom's-- on dialup. It's like driving the Flinstones car, you know, the one where they uh use their feet to drive.. haha. horrible comparison. But it's bad. At least i have the internet though, right?
Hmmm so thanksgiving is tomorrow

What are people grateful for?? TELL ME!

I'm grateful to be alive--that the guy who smashed into me didnt smear my brains across the freeway. Ummm, I'm thankful to finally have my life back to a certain degree of normal. It's been a long couple of years.

wow i cant write right now. I apologize for horrible syntax and grammar. How humiliating. But at the same time, this is my journal and i dont really care. ha HA so im not really sorry. it was all a lie.

Gonna go read war of the worlds and smoke a cigarette

happy thanksgiving YALL

"thats really not that bad for a judo class, a few times a month
"25 for the whole thing?"
"the arcs pretty cheap"
"yeah that's pretty nice"
"you want to do martial arts next quarter?"

"this place is really fucking cool"
"ahh"
japanese music in the background, sounds like something youd do tai chi too.
"although judo would be pretty sick. i gotta look at my--
"what class are you taking right now what kind of martial art?
"ton su dough"


"I need to make up the data and then analyze it" typical college student statement.

Sooo wow i havent written in a while.
A lot of things have happened.
more than i'd like to write about.

Right now i'm going to school, barely working, and just trying to survive. I was in a serious car accident last month and i'm just fulling bouncing back from it now. Not physically--physically i'm fine--but mentally.

I guess I'm at the point where I'm ready for something different.

a different way to live.

im writing this from a play station 3.woooooooooooooooooooooooooot

"High tide, mid-afternoon,
People fly by, in the traffics boom.
Knowing, just where your blowin,
Getting to where you should be going.

Don't let them get you down,
Making you feel guilty about
Golden rain will bring you riches,
All the good things you deserve now.

Climbing, forever trying,
Find your way out of the wild, wild wood.
Now there's no justice,
You've only yourself that you can trust in.

And I said, high tide mid-afternoon,
Woah, people fly by in the traffic's boom.
Knowing just where you're blowing,
Getting to where you should be going.

Day by day, your world fades away,
Waiting to feel all the dreams that say
Golden rain will bring you riches,
All the good things you deserve now and I say,

Climbing, forever trying
You're gonna find you're way out of the wild, wild wood.
Said you're gonna find you're way out
Of the wild, wild wood."

I like this song. a lot.

Alrighhtt got my paper done and turned in on time. Now I'm just gonna study for nut 10. I've been wandering around campus since like, 1:40 just talking on the phone and stuff. It's been nice, its really pretty outside today..i layed on a bench in the sun for a while, smoked a bunch of cigs. yep. ok this entry was going to be longer but i really have to go to the bathroom

Here I am at the computer lab, my new home, avoiding my paper. Man. Bleh. Well at least the lab is open until midnight. Hopefully I'll get something written, although at this point I feel like i might be up all night trying to get this done. I'll feel a lot less stressed out after this paper is over, even though I still have a midterm on thursday. Nut 10 is pretty fun and easy so I'm not worried about it. Plus, larson is coming to hang out with me. yaaaay.
Last night i saw "what happens in vegas" with my friend Will. It was pretty fun--the movie was cheesey but good. And oh man we stole this thing off of one of the chairs in the theatre... its an "out of order" sign that slips over the chairs..theres a picture of a chair with a red x across it... and yeah, so i slipped it on the passenger seat of my car. its pretty damn funny. and totally fits.
wow i feel like that description was horrible. hopefully it made some sense.

auuuggh now im getting hungry.

Woot so I'm on campus trying to catch up on a few things. It's pretty exciting... I have a paper due tuesday and a midterm on thursday so yeaaah. My brain hurtz for some reason. And I feel like sleeping. But i have to watch a movie for my WMS film class at 6. it will probably be boring, and subtitled. Not that those two necesarilly go hand in hand but whatev. A few hours ago I was going to start listening to podcasted lectures for nutrition 10 in Olson hall when the damned fire alarm went off. It was annoying. I wasnt going to leave but then i smelled smoke and was like...yeah...i should probably get out of here now. I dont think it was anything serious though.
But I'm still on campus because my computer is still broken so I couldnt due what i needed to do at home. Its really great that scotty promised to get me that windows cd like..oh, a month ago. Oh well. Hopefully Derek will be nice and help me fix it tonight. We'll see.

ummm what else... I dreamed last night that a monkey was trying to sleep in my mouth. what the hell does that mean? It was a pretty cute monkey though, and it eventually curled up around my neck and fell asleep. odd.

I got a monkey on my neckkkk

Goulet!!

I dont know if anyone reads my journal anymore. Or cares to read it. I feel like I've lost touch with everyone i used to know. I feel very alone. And I know that it's partly my fault--maybe completely my fault. After everything that happened in september, then in november, people either turned away because I was different or I pushed people away because I felt different. It's been really hard.

I got a job at a deli in roseville and I make pretty good money. Im going to school again and getting pretty good grades. Things have been going pretty well, they really have.
But still..there's just something.. wrong. thats the only way I know how to explain it.

Remember this?

Three guys, two girls, and a jamaican island

( Read more... )